This last week I had bad jet lag – insomnia for quite a few nights and simply lethargic during day time. Fortunately I did not panic or feel depressed, striving to pray in those sleepy-waking moments. I struggled to work hard preparing for the new semester. After a few days toiling without achieving much, it suddenly dawned on me that I did not even pray about all these busy work. So I paused and asked God to make me a blessing to students, praying that I may be able to offer them a good learning experience and committing all that I do in His hands. In particular I ask you to also pray for guidance in ministry opportunities with students from mainland.
Last year this time I struggled with fever after my last chemotherapy shot. I am thankful for where I am at right now (with thin curly hair). Only God knows what the future holds for us. We can only walk one step at time. I read my blog again and was encouraged by what I wrote:
"The most important is total surrender to the Lord. Faith in His healing comes within our total surrender to Him and His sovereign will. Sometimes I am afraid to ask for certain things because I do not want to be disappointed. Surrendering allows us to freely ask and expect goodness from God and yet accepting “disappointments” and God’s alternative paths, only to find that His perfect way is better than ours.”
Lord, help me rest in Your perfect will!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
August 21 Back to California (2)
The first week in California was relaxing and refreshing – it was a great delight to visit our friends. The second week we spent some time with family in San Diego and we also took care of businesses & ran errands. It became difficult as we approached departure.
On the 3rd Sunday (Day 14) we worshipped at Lake Ave Congregation Church in Pasadena. The sermon was on contentment (Philippians 4 ). I was reminded how the Lord has blessed us abundantly during the years in U.S. I am grateful and content. It has been a wonderful chapter of my life – I completed my PhD and had great professional training opportunities, got my “Mrs” degree and began my career in academia. The Lord has blessed me with more than I can ever imagine when I first arrived U.S. I am most grateful for a life with Victor serving together in the ministry. A lot of memories came back – The Lord had led us through trials and difficulties.
I felt my vulnerabilities intensely for a few days, experiencing both anxiety and sadness. The anxiety was due to a detour of travel plans with various uncertainties that I had no control. This triggered helplessness as well as a sense of loss as we approached farewell. We drove by our home one more time and I cried - it was a bittersweet moment saying goodbye to all the memories there. I also said goodbye to our church families in U.S. We visited the two churches Victor had served on the first two Sundays and had dinner with church families. My Sunday School kids have grown up to be teenagers, and the teenagers have grown up to be young married couples. I realize I was emotionally very attached! I have to let go. This closure is necessary so that I can be wholeheartedly devoted to church ministries in Hong Kong.
In my vulnerabilities, the Lord revealed His presence in our lives. The last few days we had a wonderful experience of God’s guidance. A few minute details pieced together perfectly, showing us that God can mastermind all things. Moreover the Holy Spirit was there to guide us in each step with His prompting. While browsing through the mail, I managed to find a date and location to complete a Continuing Education seminar for my license renewal. [The topic was on Journal Writing as a Therapeutic Tool – I learned a few interesting things about writing. Looking back, the blogging helped me significantly during my cancer treatment. I would write more often on this blog too – it really does help me focus on God’s work in our lives and it is really a privilege to share with you.] The brother who prepared our tax return completed the task for us. We managed to sign the papers to open escrow for our house sale a few minutes before 5 pm before we left Los Angeles. {We are trusting in the Lord that it will come through!} When scrambling to come up with our bank account number at the escrow office, a check I had prepared to support a missionary family was lying in my purse to show me the number. [What we give is little - but the blessings we receive are rich!] On the morning of my departure, Victor got confirmation that his part-time pastoral position has come through. My detour trip turned out to be smooth, only reminding me how God has guided me each step in my life.
God’s message to me was clear at the end of this trip – trust in His sovereign will in our lives. See how He works!
On the 3rd Sunday (Day 14) we worshipped at Lake Ave Congregation Church in Pasadena. The sermon was on contentment (Philippians 4 ). I was reminded how the Lord has blessed us abundantly during the years in U.S. I am grateful and content. It has been a wonderful chapter of my life – I completed my PhD and had great professional training opportunities, got my “Mrs” degree and began my career in academia. The Lord has blessed me with more than I can ever imagine when I first arrived U.S. I am most grateful for a life with Victor serving together in the ministry. A lot of memories came back – The Lord had led us through trials and difficulties.
I felt my vulnerabilities intensely for a few days, experiencing both anxiety and sadness. The anxiety was due to a detour of travel plans with various uncertainties that I had no control. This triggered helplessness as well as a sense of loss as we approached farewell. We drove by our home one more time and I cried - it was a bittersweet moment saying goodbye to all the memories there. I also said goodbye to our church families in U.S. We visited the two churches Victor had served on the first two Sundays and had dinner with church families. My Sunday School kids have grown up to be teenagers, and the teenagers have grown up to be young married couples. I realize I was emotionally very attached! I have to let go. This closure is necessary so that I can be wholeheartedly devoted to church ministries in Hong Kong.
In my vulnerabilities, the Lord revealed His presence in our lives. The last few days we had a wonderful experience of God’s guidance. A few minute details pieced together perfectly, showing us that God can mastermind all things. Moreover the Holy Spirit was there to guide us in each step with His prompting. While browsing through the mail, I managed to find a date and location to complete a Continuing Education seminar for my license renewal. [The topic was on Journal Writing as a Therapeutic Tool – I learned a few interesting things about writing. Looking back, the blogging helped me significantly during my cancer treatment. I would write more often on this blog too – it really does help me focus on God’s work in our lives and it is really a privilege to share with you.] The brother who prepared our tax return completed the task for us. We managed to sign the papers to open escrow for our house sale a few minutes before 5 pm before we left Los Angeles. {We are trusting in the Lord that it will come through!} When scrambling to come up with our bank account number at the escrow office, a check I had prepared to support a missionary family was lying in my purse to show me the number. [What we give is little - but the blessings we receive are rich!] On the morning of my departure, Victor got confirmation that his part-time pastoral position has come through. My detour trip turned out to be smooth, only reminding me how God has guided me each step in my life.
God’s message to me was clear at the end of this trip – trust in His sovereign will in our lives. See how He works!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
August 10 Back to Calfornia
We have been back in U.S. for 10 days. I have a lot to share. Perhaps I will do it chronologically.
First I was thankful that we had a safe plane ride and I was able to sleep for a few hours!
Next we visited our former church (RCAC) where Victor preached on that Sunday. In the evening we had dinner with them celebrating 3 couples’ wedding anniversary. It was great to reconnect with everyone. Although we were gone for only 3 years, I felt like we had missed so much of their growing up and changes. It was shocking to see some of my Sunday school kids now grown so tall. There are quite a few young couples now with babies I have not met. Some of the Sunday school preschoolers do not even remember me. It was a bit sad! It seems like we must move on, and this closure pushes me to be settled in our church ministries in Hong Kong. May the Lord direct and guide us in the ministries He has assigned for us so that we may serve Him faithfully in another church.
Then we drove up to Santa Barbara, Solvang, Pismo Beach, etc. along No. 1 Highway along the Pacific Coast, which was our honeymoon trail. It was very relaxing with the cool breeze. I thank God for our blessed 12 years and renewed my marriage commitment to the Lord. It is good that He is the origin of all loves – I prayed that His love (charity) would transform all our yearnings and desires. His love is the solid foundation of our marraige.
Then we visited our home – very sad to see the garden desolated and barren. But you can never expect tenants to take care of a rental property as if it is their own home. We had a lot of fond memories in the home and it was hard to say goodbye! Nevertheless we have to close this special chapter in our lives. We discovered several church connections with our real estate agents and we prayed together for the selling of this property. Then the stock market crashed next day (August 5th the Black Friday) and I worried about the sale. The only thing we can do is to entrust everything to our Lord. Today we heard there are some offers - reminding me that "The Lord is good, and blessed is the man who puts his trust in Him."
I attended a Continuing Education class for Psychologist on Saturday and met a former student. At first I thought she did not want to greet me. Later I found out that she is now legally blind due to an unsuccessful eye surgery. I remembered her perseverance during her doctoral studies. Despite this traumatic loss of body function and subsequently her job with good career prospects, she did not give up. She reminded me to be thankful for my body once again. Despite the pain and aches, my surgery was "suceessful." Once again I pray taht the Lord would help me take good care of my body so that I may serve Him in the fullest capacity.
On the 2nd Sunday, Victor preached in his former church (MPCBC). I prayed much for the Holy Spirit’s work and was most delighted to hear a good sermon relevant to the congregation. We also had a wonderful opportunity to fellowship with brothers and sisters at the church.
Besides we certainly had great food – Cheesecake Factory for Godiva cheesecake, Buca di Beppo…We also went to Whole Foods and discover more about organic and health food that are not easily available in Hong Kong.
Will tell you more...
First I was thankful that we had a safe plane ride and I was able to sleep for a few hours!
Next we visited our former church (RCAC) where Victor preached on that Sunday. In the evening we had dinner with them celebrating 3 couples’ wedding anniversary. It was great to reconnect with everyone. Although we were gone for only 3 years, I felt like we had missed so much of their growing up and changes. It was shocking to see some of my Sunday school kids now grown so tall. There are quite a few young couples now with babies I have not met. Some of the Sunday school preschoolers do not even remember me. It was a bit sad! It seems like we must move on, and this closure pushes me to be settled in our church ministries in Hong Kong. May the Lord direct and guide us in the ministries He has assigned for us so that we may serve Him faithfully in another church.
Then we drove up to Santa Barbara, Solvang, Pismo Beach, etc. along No. 1 Highway along the Pacific Coast, which was our honeymoon trail. It was very relaxing with the cool breeze. I thank God for our blessed 12 years and renewed my marriage commitment to the Lord. It is good that He is the origin of all loves – I prayed that His love (charity) would transform all our yearnings and desires. His love is the solid foundation of our marraige.
Then we visited our home – very sad to see the garden desolated and barren. But you can never expect tenants to take care of a rental property as if it is their own home. We had a lot of fond memories in the home and it was hard to say goodbye! Nevertheless we have to close this special chapter in our lives. We discovered several church connections with our real estate agents and we prayed together for the selling of this property. Then the stock market crashed next day (August 5th the Black Friday) and I worried about the sale. The only thing we can do is to entrust everything to our Lord. Today we heard there are some offers - reminding me that "The Lord is good, and blessed is the man who puts his trust in Him."
I attended a Continuing Education class for Psychologist on Saturday and met a former student. At first I thought she did not want to greet me. Later I found out that she is now legally blind due to an unsuccessful eye surgery. I remembered her perseverance during her doctoral studies. Despite this traumatic loss of body function and subsequently her job with good career prospects, she did not give up. She reminded me to be thankful for my body once again. Despite the pain and aches, my surgery was "suceessful." Once again I pray taht the Lord would help me take good care of my body so that I may serve Him in the fullest capacity.
On the 2nd Sunday, Victor preached in his former church (MPCBC). I prayed much for the Holy Spirit’s work and was most delighted to hear a good sermon relevant to the congregation. We also had a wonderful opportunity to fellowship with brothers and sisters at the church.
Besides we certainly had great food – Cheesecake Factory for Godiva cheesecake, Buca di Beppo…We also went to Whole Foods and discover more about organic and health food that are not easily available in Hong Kong.
Will tell you more...
Sunday, July 10, 2011
July 11th What is New?
My friend noted that I had not entered a blog entry for a while. Wow - it is already July 11th and more than one month since my last entry. I am thankful for the reminder - I really need to re-orient myself to being a cheerful helper!
Much has happened during the last 6 weeks. Victor is going to change ministry and there was some drama about where he would be serving. We have got one piece confirmed and are still waiting on the Lord together for the other piece. May the Lord guide us! In the midst of the uncertainty, I re-read my blog last year, and was reminded that my primary call is to be a cheerful helper. Being Victor’s helper is my first priority. May He help me to be cheerful and loving in being His helper!
What else has happened? On the negative side, I have been back on my vanity track for a while, beginning to pursue things that are significant and worthwhile in my own eyes. May God help me to re-focus on my being His servant - to complete His assignments faithfully regardless of its apparent worth in my eyes (which is often based on the secular value of success). Lord, help me trust in your lead in all that I do.
Well I also felt somewhat low in early June, probably due to the end of the semester, Victor’s uncertainty in ministry, facing mid-life realities and accepting limitations in my recovery. I would blame menopause too - it is a killer! Yes, a lot of stuff! So I remind myself that I have committed to “live happily ever after” during my cancer treatment – [choosing to be joyful based on contentment in the Lord and to laugh and joke as much as possible and enjoy simple pleasures of life each day.] Well, I am not doing so well on this one!
On the positive side, I am learning more about God’s love, through the study of Song of Songs, one of the hardest books in the Bible. It has been a very special journey. It is difficult to share [even with Victor] what I am learning. Really need the Holy Spirit’s guidance on this one!!
In the meantime Victor and I had worked on his book Couples in the Bible, which was also our Sunday school curriculum last year. It looks promising that it would be published this year. We pray that God will use this book; hopefully it would be good material for Bible study and small group.
I now have a small growth group for pastoral staff in a church. Praise God for this opportunity as I desire to serve pastoral families more. I am also learning to trust the Holy Spirit’s guidance in this ministry too.
We will be heading back to U.S. in August! We are looking forward to it. We are praying hard for the selling of our house in U.S. We pray that the Lord will provide a permanent home in Hong Kong in Ma Wan – I want badly to have my own desk at home. Price of homes as well as rent and other things are going up and up!!! Lord, help me trust in your providence!
I hate to have grocery-list-like prayer requests – but I just realize I do have a lot of items on my plate. Please remember us in prayer.
Much has happened during the last 6 weeks. Victor is going to change ministry and there was some drama about where he would be serving. We have got one piece confirmed and are still waiting on the Lord together for the other piece. May the Lord guide us! In the midst of the uncertainty, I re-read my blog last year, and was reminded that my primary call is to be a cheerful helper. Being Victor’s helper is my first priority. May He help me to be cheerful and loving in being His helper!
What else has happened? On the negative side, I have been back on my vanity track for a while, beginning to pursue things that are significant and worthwhile in my own eyes. May God help me to re-focus on my being His servant - to complete His assignments faithfully regardless of its apparent worth in my eyes (which is often based on the secular value of success). Lord, help me trust in your lead in all that I do.
Well I also felt somewhat low in early June, probably due to the end of the semester, Victor’s uncertainty in ministry, facing mid-life realities and accepting limitations in my recovery. I would blame menopause too - it is a killer! Yes, a lot of stuff! So I remind myself that I have committed to “live happily ever after” during my cancer treatment – [choosing to be joyful based on contentment in the Lord and to laugh and joke as much as possible and enjoy simple pleasures of life each day.] Well, I am not doing so well on this one!
On the positive side, I am learning more about God’s love, through the study of Song of Songs, one of the hardest books in the Bible. It has been a very special journey. It is difficult to share [even with Victor] what I am learning. Really need the Holy Spirit’s guidance on this one!!
In the meantime Victor and I had worked on his book Couples in the Bible, which was also our Sunday school curriculum last year. It looks promising that it would be published this year. We pray that God will use this book; hopefully it would be good material for Bible study and small group.
I now have a small growth group for pastoral staff in a church. Praise God for this opportunity as I desire to serve pastoral families more. I am also learning to trust the Holy Spirit’s guidance in this ministry too.
We will be heading back to U.S. in August! We are looking forward to it. We are praying hard for the selling of our house in U.S. We pray that the Lord will provide a permanent home in Hong Kong in Ma Wan – I want badly to have my own desk at home. Price of homes as well as rent and other things are going up and up!!! Lord, help me trust in your providence!
I hate to have grocery-list-like prayer requests – but I just realize I do have a lot of items on my plate. Please remember us in prayer.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
May 23rd The Lord will Accomplish...
These days I have been re-reading my blog last year during my chemotherapy. There are also lots of additional reminders from devotions, sermons, bible study, etc. I noted that the Lord’s spiritual blessings during the treatment time were amazingly rich. Just as I began to doubt whether my walk with the Lord was as close as my “retreat time” last year, the Lord showed me His presence is just as wonderful and He has continued to work in my life. Praise Him!
Psalm 138:8 is a verse that has touched me deeply last year. Today it is just as refreshing! Here are 4 differnt translations:
NIV: The Lord will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever —
do not abandon the works of your hands.
NASU: The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
New Living Translation: The Lord will work out his plans for my life for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.
NKJV
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
Isn't this a wonderful promise?! Today my prayer is that He will perfect my love for Him and for others. I am totally helpless regarding that. Our "love" is so entangled with our own unconscious desires, our self-seeking motives and our sins & pathologies that it cannot be pure. Only God can perfect that which concerns me. He will not forsake me. He will accomplish!
Psalm 138:8 is a verse that has touched me deeply last year. Today it is just as refreshing! Here are 4 differnt translations:
NIV: The Lord will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever —
do not abandon the works of your hands.
NASU: The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
New Living Translation: The Lord will work out his plans for my life for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.
NKJV
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
Isn't this a wonderful promise?! Today my prayer is that He will perfect my love for Him and for others. I am totally helpless regarding that. Our "love" is so entangled with our own unconscious desires, our self-seeking motives and our sins & pathologies that it cannot be pure. Only God can perfect that which concerns me. He will not forsake me. He will accomplish!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
May 4th Celebrating an anniversary
The semester is almost over (currently it is exam and paper grading time) and I am much more relaxed now. Thus the irrational jealous feelings and negative thoughts somewhat subsided. It reminds me how stress is not only bad for our bodies, but also potentially bad for our souls as well. Nevertheless it is an opportunity for us to face who we are, our sinful nature and our frailty.
The only path to combat jealous feelings, negative thoughts and ultimately sin is to rely on the Lord and surrender to His sovereignty over us. When we actively yearn for the Lord’s love, He will become the only desire of our heart. When we seek His love for others, He will fill us with His love and there will be little room for jealousy and selfishness. When we are actively engaging in good deeds, we will be too busy to do bad things. It may not be easy though. It reminds me that in order to be a cheerful helper – the source of cheerfulness must be from Him.
Today was an anniversary too – last year May 4th I had my first chemotherapy shot. Today I paused to remember the Lord’s goodness; how He had carried me through and taught me to trust in Him.
Someone I knew died of a heart attack at 55. It is sad. He has so much more to contribute to the profession as well as to the church. I wondered again how many more years I would have. The Lord has His timing. Once more I commit my life in his hands. May he help me live each day for His sake and in His love!
The only path to combat jealous feelings, negative thoughts and ultimately sin is to rely on the Lord and surrender to His sovereignty over us. When we actively yearn for the Lord’s love, He will become the only desire of our heart. When we seek His love for others, He will fill us with His love and there will be little room for jealousy and selfishness. When we are actively engaging in good deeds, we will be too busy to do bad things. It may not be easy though. It reminds me that in order to be a cheerful helper – the source of cheerfulness must be from Him.
Today was an anniversary too – last year May 4th I had my first chemotherapy shot. Today I paused to remember the Lord’s goodness; how He had carried me through and taught me to trust in Him.
Someone I knew died of a heart attack at 55. It is sad. He has so much more to contribute to the profession as well as to the church. I wondered again how many more years I would have. The Lord has His timing. Once more I commit my life in his hands. May he help me live each day for His sake and in His love!
Monday, April 25, 2011
April 25 Easter reflections
As I waited on the Lord this Easter, I did receive an “Easter message” from Him. It is however not particularly pleasant. It is from John 21. After Peter responded to Jesus asking him three times whether he loved Him, Peter inquired about the future of John. The Lord replied, what is that to you? You must follow me."
[John 21:21-23 Then Peter saw him (John), he asked, "Lord, what about him?" 22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." NIV]
This message was somewhat like a chider, reminding me that I must follow Him regardless of others. I note that I need a lot of affirmation from others. I easily become anxious when I do not measure up with peers. I also look to others to meet my needs instead of relying solely on the Lord. Worst still, lately I have some irrational envy and jealousy towards others – my primary schoolmates’ wealth, my friends who have a family (children), others’ adorable or youthful looks, people who are smarter than me, others coping with the aftermath of cancer better than me, etc. Basically anyone! I am mad at myself for these sinful thoughts and feel rather helpless in dealing with them. They attack me when I am tired in this forever changing spring weather. It takes up quite a bit of my energy fighting "the sin that so easily entangles." (Heb 12:1)
This envy/jealousy may also be due to my recent preparation for a new Sunday school class on mid-adulthood development. In the process I am mourning losses as well as some unfulfilled wishes and dreams. I am praying to lay it on the altar and move on, looking ahead to live life following Him.
I have been praying Psalm 103:1-5 a lot since I had cancer last year.
1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits;
3 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5 Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. NASU
These days I have been praying verse 5 quite a lot – asking the Lord to satisfy my years with good things, i.e. good things according to Him rather than my desires. I pray that I would receive every good thing only from His hands and be content with them rather than desiring what appears to be good in my eyes (-- unfortunately there are plenty!)
The Easter message this year is for me to follow Jesus regardless, to love Him only and to feed his sheep. Although I am working on being a cheerful helper, I cannot serve God through others. I am to respond to God’s call alone regardless of others, to love Him and to follow Him.
This entry may seem a bit weird and disorganized. It reflects my current state.
[John 21:21-23 Then Peter saw him (John), he asked, "Lord, what about him?" 22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." NIV]
This message was somewhat like a chider, reminding me that I must follow Him regardless of others. I note that I need a lot of affirmation from others. I easily become anxious when I do not measure up with peers. I also look to others to meet my needs instead of relying solely on the Lord. Worst still, lately I have some irrational envy and jealousy towards others – my primary schoolmates’ wealth, my friends who have a family (children), others’ adorable or youthful looks, people who are smarter than me, others coping with the aftermath of cancer better than me, etc. Basically anyone! I am mad at myself for these sinful thoughts and feel rather helpless in dealing with them. They attack me when I am tired in this forever changing spring weather. It takes up quite a bit of my energy fighting "the sin that so easily entangles." (Heb 12:1)
This envy/jealousy may also be due to my recent preparation for a new Sunday school class on mid-adulthood development. In the process I am mourning losses as well as some unfulfilled wishes and dreams. I am praying to lay it on the altar and move on, looking ahead to live life following Him.
I have been praying Psalm 103:1-5 a lot since I had cancer last year.
1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits;
3 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5 Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. NASU
These days I have been praying verse 5 quite a lot – asking the Lord to satisfy my years with good things, i.e. good things according to Him rather than my desires. I pray that I would receive every good thing only from His hands and be content with them rather than desiring what appears to be good in my eyes (-- unfortunately there are plenty!)
The Easter message this year is for me to follow Jesus regardless, to love Him only and to feed his sheep. Although I am working on being a cheerful helper, I cannot serve God through others. I am to respond to God’s call alone regardless of others, to love Him and to follow Him.
This entry may seem a bit weird and disorganized. It reflects my current state.
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