Wednesday, May 16, 2012
May 16 2012 God's Providence
We have got a home in Ma Wan! Let me share this amazing experience with you.
We have been searching and praying for a flat for quite a few months. The rising price of homes in Hong Kong was alarming and there were few available flats in Ma Wan. There was a mild ditch in price between Christmas and New Year. However we lost opportunities because we were not able to be decisive.
Originally there was one flat that I really liked. It was exactly what a prayed for - a neat flat facing southwest with a sea view towards Noah’s ark and in move-in condition. However we were not decisive and missed out the opportunity bidding for this flat. In Hong Kong, buying a flat requires super-quick decision making. I began to doubt whether we would ever get a flat with Victor’s “wait-for-lower-price” strategy. I really prayed hard – not so much for the home now but for faith in His providence despite our indecisiveness! I also prayed that I would trust in His sovereign will and His perfect plan, such that I can go with Victor’s leadership in this matter as well.
I somewhat gave up then as the price flared up again! Then this flat appeared but it was somewhat expensive, higher than our initial budget. We were ready to give up and pass. I reached a point that I could submit to His good will even if it meant renting a place from the village flats in Ma Wan. The real estate agent worked real hard and the deal was made.
We moved in! At first I was not sure whether I would like this flat. In fact now I felt that it was better than the flat I initially liked. There is also a sea view. Although we cannot see the Noah’s Ark, we can hear the waves! I am so thankful. The Lord provides! Moreover He really can work through our weaknesses (e.g. lack of knowledge, indecisiveness, etc.) to give us the better than we can imagine. His way is indeed higher than ours.
I think it also helps me and Victor work as a team. While we have different expectations and different approaches to this, we prayed together. The Lord works through both of us (our strengths and our weaknesses) in some miraculous way such that we complement each other somehow. Most important of all, we both experience His Providence together.
Monday, April 9, 2012
April 9 Easter Reflections Again
It is quite a while since my last blog entry.
I just read my blog entry last year aroudn Easter. Well I got the same Easter message this year – again, from John 21! This time I pondered more on whether I love Jesus “more than these." Another component I reflected on was the 153 fish in their final catch after a night of fruitless labor. Upon the instruction of Christ to “cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat” they caught a great number of fish, too heavy to haul back to the shore. This message was very relevant because I was concerned about financial needs – not that we are lacking now but I cannot help but worry about the future. On one hand I desire to trust in God’s providence and walk by faith to devote my time and energy serving in His ministries. On the other hand I hold onto my “earning potential” from a professional career. I am reminded that it is the Lord who provides the catch. It would be foolish for me to love these more than Jesus.
Again I also pondered on Peter inquiry about the future of John. The Lord replied, “What is that to you? You must follow me." Compare to last year, I felt like I had made some progress. I am much more focused on the Lord now; the envy and jealousy of others subsided. We each have to follow the Lord’s designated path for us. This year I note that while wanting to be my husband’s cheerful helper, I must follow Christ on my own, regardless of God's plan for him. Lord, have mercy and help me!
In addition I am blessed meditating on different Bible passages and church worship services. Christ has every power to reduce His pain in His last hours on the Cross. However He chose this path of suffering - Isa 53:5 “He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. “ Isaiah 53 is a chapter I treasure and verse 5 particularly - there lies my hope for healing in the Lord!
The month of March has been very busy. I had several speaking engagements. I am very thankful for the opportunity to use my profession to outreach – asking friends to come to my workshop conducted at church. I was invited to speak on The Meaning of Life and Death Anxiety in a student-organized gathering. I took the opportunity to share my faith with students as well as my experience with breast cancer. I was very excited and thankful for the opportunity. Unfortunately during this time I got the flu real bad – fever for 2 days. I was real worried so I stopped almost everything and did only the minimal to manage. The illness had really held me back. However I also experienced the peace of God on the day I shared my faith with students. It was not “great” but I realized these are important baby steps for me to learn to share my faith more publicly and perhaps in my professional role. The joy is I am more convicted to share the Gospel with others, individually or in groups. May He use me in the days to come!
I just read my blog entry last year aroudn Easter. Well I got the same Easter message this year – again, from John 21! This time I pondered more on whether I love Jesus “more than these." Another component I reflected on was the 153 fish in their final catch after a night of fruitless labor. Upon the instruction of Christ to “cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat” they caught a great number of fish, too heavy to haul back to the shore. This message was very relevant because I was concerned about financial needs – not that we are lacking now but I cannot help but worry about the future. On one hand I desire to trust in God’s providence and walk by faith to devote my time and energy serving in His ministries. On the other hand I hold onto my “earning potential” from a professional career. I am reminded that it is the Lord who provides the catch. It would be foolish for me to love these more than Jesus.
Again I also pondered on Peter inquiry about the future of John. The Lord replied, “What is that to you? You must follow me." Compare to last year, I felt like I had made some progress. I am much more focused on the Lord now; the envy and jealousy of others subsided. We each have to follow the Lord’s designated path for us. This year I note that while wanting to be my husband’s cheerful helper, I must follow Christ on my own, regardless of God's plan for him. Lord, have mercy and help me!
In addition I am blessed meditating on different Bible passages and church worship services. Christ has every power to reduce His pain in His last hours on the Cross. However He chose this path of suffering - Isa 53:5 “He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. “ Isaiah 53 is a chapter I treasure and verse 5 particularly - there lies my hope for healing in the Lord!
The month of March has been very busy. I had several speaking engagements. I am very thankful for the opportunity to use my profession to outreach – asking friends to come to my workshop conducted at church. I was invited to speak on The Meaning of Life and Death Anxiety in a student-organized gathering. I took the opportunity to share my faith with students as well as my experience with breast cancer. I was very excited and thankful for the opportunity. Unfortunately during this time I got the flu real bad – fever for 2 days. I was real worried so I stopped almost everything and did only the minimal to manage. The illness had really held me back. However I also experienced the peace of God on the day I shared my faith with students. It was not “great” but I realized these are important baby steps for me to learn to share my faith more publicly and perhaps in my professional role. The joy is I am more convicted to share the Gospel with others, individually or in groups. May He use me in the days to come!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
2/11/2012 Psalm 16 on Joy
Lessons on Joy from Psalm 16
V 2 I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." ….
V8 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
V9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
V10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
V11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
This Psalm reminds me that all my good can only come from the Lord. He is my only source of joy and delight.
These days I am trying to understand more about my longings and desires, wondering how I can be liberated from the confinement and transcend them.
This Psalm promises joy that even the body can rest secure. Lord, I am still drawn to different earthly pleasures, help me look unto You. Made Your path of life known to me! I long for the eternal pleasures at your right hand to replace my earthly treasures. I pray that I would experience this as a reality.
V 2 I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." ….
V8 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
V9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
V10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
V11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
This Psalm reminds me that all my good can only come from the Lord. He is my only source of joy and delight.
These days I am trying to understand more about my longings and desires, wondering how I can be liberated from the confinement and transcend them.
This Psalm promises joy that even the body can rest secure. Lord, I am still drawn to different earthly pleasures, help me look unto You. Made Your path of life known to me! I long for the eternal pleasures at your right hand to replace my earthly treasures. I pray that I would experience this as a reality.
Monday, January 9, 2012
January 19, 2012 New Year Resolution
Last Wednesday I have my body check – mammogram and ultrasound. Friday was my birthday and so I put off getting the medical report so I can fully enjoy the weekend.
Today I got the medical report. Praise God I am good! I am so thankful and joyous. It is almost 2 years since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and so it looks like I would hit the 2-year survival rate!
During the past few weeks I have continued to try to understand the meaning of life and death. I pray that when the time comes, I would embrace the Lord boldly and joyfully. I pray that I would be ready and that I can say I have fight the good fight and run the good race. If cancer recurs, I would start writing one goodbye encouragement letter a day to each person I know until I am too frail to do so. I trust that the Lord will give me sufficient grace to endure physical pain in the process.
In the meantime, I will try to live life to the fullest. I have increased my exercise level and am regaining strength. I am all eager and excited to serve God to the best of my capacities. In particular I pray that I may share the Gospel with others faithfully. Victor and I will be teaching a Sunday school class in Putonghua next quarter! I am doing a few workshops in the coming months. I had a good Christmas break and felt refreshed. Now I want to prioritize work too so that I can use the time well to complete what should be done.
Lastly I am going to try my best not to be hypochondriac for 6 months until my next medical check!
Today I got the medical report. Praise God I am good! I am so thankful and joyous. It is almost 2 years since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and so it looks like I would hit the 2-year survival rate!
During the past few weeks I have continued to try to understand the meaning of life and death. I pray that when the time comes, I would embrace the Lord boldly and joyfully. I pray that I would be ready and that I can say I have fight the good fight and run the good race. If cancer recurs, I would start writing one goodbye encouragement letter a day to each person I know until I am too frail to do so. I trust that the Lord will give me sufficient grace to endure physical pain in the process.
In the meantime, I will try to live life to the fullest. I have increased my exercise level and am regaining strength. I am all eager and excited to serve God to the best of my capacities. In particular I pray that I may share the Gospel with others faithfully. Victor and I will be teaching a Sunday school class in Putonghua next quarter! I am doing a few workshops in the coming months. I had a good Christmas break and felt refreshed. Now I want to prioritize work too so that I can use the time well to complete what should be done.
Lastly I am going to try my best not to be hypochondriac for 6 months until my next medical check!
Friday, December 16, 2011
December 17 Step-by-Step and In His Path
This Monday I was hoping to do something “special” with Victor although I did not know exactly what I wanted. I ended up wasting time and feeling frustrated. As I prayed, I realized how much I want to hold onto life and experience memorable moments. Yet the more I hold onto life in my hands, the more I am losing it. I end up filling my days with fleeting pleasures and episodes after episodes of nothingness. I pray that I can let go.
At work I must say my motivation has been declining. Although I am managing alright, I was not the compulsive achiever any more. Last academic year I was eager to “recover” and go back on track. This year I felt the weariness and found it hard to push myself. I felt somewhat in a limbo because it is hard to say goodbye to certain passions.
On Tuesday during my devotion I was reminded:
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. Isa 40:31 NKJV
Yesterday Victor and I spent time together praying for wisdom and discernment to make some choices. May the Lord help us walk in His path step by step.
At work I must say my motivation has been declining. Although I am managing alright, I was not the compulsive achiever any more. Last academic year I was eager to “recover” and go back on track. This year I felt the weariness and found it hard to push myself. I felt somewhat in a limbo because it is hard to say goodbye to certain passions.
On Tuesday during my devotion I was reminded:
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. Isa 40:31 NKJV
Yesterday Victor and I spent time together praying for wisdom and discernment to make some choices. May the Lord help us walk in His path step by step.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Dec 6 A hypochondriac journey
I did not have a blog entry for such a long time! It feels like I have forgotten about the cheerful helper.
This entry is somewhat difficult to write because I want to honestly share with you my hypochondriac journey for the past 2 months. I had some chest pain and immediately felt doomed that it would either be cancer recurring or some major illness. I ran around for different medical appointments and tests to rule out different conditions. The problem is that it is impossible to rule out everything. A negative finding now does not guarantee anything in the future. I cannot find rest.
On one Sunday when I was feeling quite low, Psalm 103 v 1-5 reappeared during worship time. The verses were God’s encouragement to me during my treatment process.
1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
I felt strongly that this was the Lord’s encouragement. However I was unable to hold onto the hope in Him. I realized that even if God’s healing touch is real, I may still live in unbelief. I did not have any good solution. Yet, God did not abandon me in my weakness. He gradually granted me some assurance from medical professionals. There were different reminders on God’s amazing protection during my surgery and treatment process.
During this time I read some Christian writings on death and came to embrace death as merely a passage to eternity life. Mostly I am afraid of the unknown. I dread physical pain, loneliness and helplessness in the process. My only option is to trust in God and hold onto His love now, moment by moment; it will eventually carry me through when the time comes to leave the earthly body to meet Him in eternity. Death is only a passageway.
Ironically thoughts of death may have helped me embrace life more. Sometimes I ask myself -- if I only have a few years left what would I be doing today? My perspectives change. I had found more time to be with Victor. I enjoyed some luxuries such as dining out with family and friends. Sometimes I dressed up for no real reason. I “wasted” time going for walks, reading novels, and doing “unimportant” things. I am less demanding on myself. Perhaps I am more alive this way! I have lose my drive and it feels strange.
Well, despite all these, the past 2 months have been great. I did 2 workshops at church. Victor and I shared together in a church event – it was so great to serve together as a team. We have a book on Couples in the Bible coming out next week. All these are wonderful – but thankfully they are not the focus of my life. God is.
This entry is somewhat difficult to write because I want to honestly share with you my hypochondriac journey for the past 2 months. I had some chest pain and immediately felt doomed that it would either be cancer recurring or some major illness. I ran around for different medical appointments and tests to rule out different conditions. The problem is that it is impossible to rule out everything. A negative finding now does not guarantee anything in the future. I cannot find rest.
On one Sunday when I was feeling quite low, Psalm 103 v 1-5 reappeared during worship time. The verses were God’s encouragement to me during my treatment process.
1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
I felt strongly that this was the Lord’s encouragement. However I was unable to hold onto the hope in Him. I realized that even if God’s healing touch is real, I may still live in unbelief. I did not have any good solution. Yet, God did not abandon me in my weakness. He gradually granted me some assurance from medical professionals. There were different reminders on God’s amazing protection during my surgery and treatment process.
During this time I read some Christian writings on death and came to embrace death as merely a passage to eternity life. Mostly I am afraid of the unknown. I dread physical pain, loneliness and helplessness in the process. My only option is to trust in God and hold onto His love now, moment by moment; it will eventually carry me through when the time comes to leave the earthly body to meet Him in eternity. Death is only a passageway.
Ironically thoughts of death may have helped me embrace life more. Sometimes I ask myself -- if I only have a few years left what would I be doing today? My perspectives change. I had found more time to be with Victor. I enjoyed some luxuries such as dining out with family and friends. Sometimes I dressed up for no real reason. I “wasted” time going for walks, reading novels, and doing “unimportant” things. I am less demanding on myself. Perhaps I am more alive this way! I have lose my drive and it feels strange.
Well, despite all these, the past 2 months have been great. I did 2 workshops at church. Victor and I shared together in a church event – it was so great to serve together as a team. We have a book on Couples in the Bible coming out next week. All these are wonderful – but thankfully they are not the focus of my life. God is.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Oct 11
It has been one year now since I completed chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Praise God for the gift of recovery!
I have my own hair now. Although it is thin I am soooooooooo thankful to have hair!
When I encountered the possibility of death last year I noted that I was not ready. I had only a few items of unfinished businesses on earth. I realized that the projects I was involved in were really insignificant and most of my commitments could be easily replaced by others.
I was not ready because I found my love for God to be so limited. I do not know how best to describe my feelings. I would have to rely on faith hope and love to carry me through the transition of death to heaven. [1 Cor 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Only faith, hope and love remain.] So I have been praying that I would grow in these three. Praise God I think I have!
I must confess that I still get entangled in sin and hindered by many things easily. [Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.] May the Lord help us run with perseverance in this race!
Another reason I felt unready to be with the Lord was that I wanted more opportunities to share Christ with nonbelievers. This is the area I have not seen a lot of changes. So I am praying that the Lord will teach me.
I have my own hair now. Although it is thin I am soooooooooo thankful to have hair!
When I encountered the possibility of death last year I noted that I was not ready. I had only a few items of unfinished businesses on earth. I realized that the projects I was involved in were really insignificant and most of my commitments could be easily replaced by others.
I was not ready because I found my love for God to be so limited. I do not know how best to describe my feelings. I would have to rely on faith hope and love to carry me through the transition of death to heaven. [1 Cor 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Only faith, hope and love remain.] So I have been praying that I would grow in these three. Praise God I think I have!
I must confess that I still get entangled in sin and hindered by many things easily. [Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.] May the Lord help us run with perseverance in this race!
Another reason I felt unready to be with the Lord was that I wanted more opportunities to share Christ with nonbelievers. This is the area I have not seen a lot of changes. So I am praying that the Lord will teach me.
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