Yesterday during worship I was deeply moved by a song derived from Psalm 19. Psalm 19 begins with the declaration of God’s glory through His creation (v.1-6). Yet His revelation to men is not only through nature but also specific, provided through His law, statues and His word. Even though we do our best to abide by them, we cannot be free from errors and transgressions. This week I asked the Lord to show me how I can keep my thoughts pure and holy before Him. This is a challenge particularly when I am tired or stressed; now that my tolerance of both is much lower. Negative thoughts come up quickly and my mind often sways to no man’s land. God answered my question through verses 12-14:
“12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (v.12-14).
Indeed Lord I cannot discern my own errors (despite my effort to self examine and self-analysis). Forgive all the hidden faults that I am not even aware of or know how to deal with. I can only constantly seek after Him in this journey. “Willful sins” is also translated as “presumptuous sins” (NASB). As we humble ourselves before the Lord, we can be kept from much transgression. We rely on the Lord to bring us back - we need Him in order that “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart” may be acceptable to you." [“Meditation” is also translated as “soliloquy.” I really like this translation because I do constantly murmur to myself and engage in self-talk]. So my resolution is to totally submit my thoughts to Him and trust in the Holy Spirit's guidance. He will correct me and forgive me when I humble myself before Him.
You can find this song on Youtube –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0FHMME2dU
May the Words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart
Be pleasing to you my God.
You are my Rock and my Redeemer,
You are the reason that I sing,
I desire to be a blessing in your eyes,
Every hour and Every moment,
Lord I want to be your servant.
I desire to be a blessing in Your eyes.
Victor and I have a rather peaceful week. I am learning to boil Chinese herbal medicine each morning – it takes about 2 hours to do so. This keeps me disciplined to get up at 6 a.m. in the morning. I exercise and do devotion while the medicine is brewing in the kitchen. Then I am off to work.
It looks like we have to move soon because our landlord is selling the flat. He is kind enough to hold off putting it on the market until after my cancer treatment. I was quite anxious on Saturday because rent has been going up and there are few vacant flats available. The Lord reminded me how He had provided the best (apartment) for us during this time. We are therefore praying again for the Lord’s providence and His perfect timing – I am hoping that it would be at the end of our semester and after Victor’s mission trip in Dec. [Certainly it would be best if the buyer intends to keep this as a rental property!]
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
October 20 First Lesson Learned
I had my first lesson on being a cheerful helper.
Last week right after I finished the first blog entry (on Monday), I had my first trial. Although I was excited that the radiotherapy treatment was finally over and that I would be transitioning to a new phase, I was not eager to face all the work that was put off. In addition, Victor is beginning some new ministries and I feel uncertain of being his “helper” on top of my own load. I had to travel to Macau by myself the next day and therefore I felt like I was not looking forward to anything. I totally felt the stress and I cried. [Yes, just right after I am determined to be a cheerful helper!]
I calmed down once I was back in my office. I like having an office! The environment is associated with work and I gradually get myself in gear during the week.
The Holy Spirit’s prompting was also quick. On Wednesday morning, I woke up hearing the birds chirping and remembered how God cared about the sparrows. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness and my lack of trust, as if “I” alone will be doing all these things with my own strength. It is up to the Lord to decide how He wants to use me. A cheerful helper should be willing to sacrifice oneself, not the heroic type that draws attention and honor/glory but rather the silent type where deeds are done in the secret (Matthews 6: 1-18). Somehow I remembered my mother (and other mother-figures & woman role models) who are self sacrificial. Not having been a mother myself, I miss out the learning opportunity to be self-sacrificial. I pray for the love of God in me so that I may have the capacity to be loving to others.
This whole week I am reminded that willingness to take on tasks that I may not like is important. To be “cheerful” about it – that I have to be totally dependent on the Lord!
Last week right after I finished the first blog entry (on Monday), I had my first trial. Although I was excited that the radiotherapy treatment was finally over and that I would be transitioning to a new phase, I was not eager to face all the work that was put off. In addition, Victor is beginning some new ministries and I feel uncertain of being his “helper” on top of my own load. I had to travel to Macau by myself the next day and therefore I felt like I was not looking forward to anything. I totally felt the stress and I cried. [Yes, just right after I am determined to be a cheerful helper!]
I calmed down once I was back in my office. I like having an office! The environment is associated with work and I gradually get myself in gear during the week.
The Holy Spirit’s prompting was also quick. On Wednesday morning, I woke up hearing the birds chirping and remembered how God cared about the sparrows. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness and my lack of trust, as if “I” alone will be doing all these things with my own strength. It is up to the Lord to decide how He wants to use me. A cheerful helper should be willing to sacrifice oneself, not the heroic type that draws attention and honor/glory but rather the silent type where deeds are done in the secret (Matthews 6: 1-18). Somehow I remembered my mother (and other mother-figures & woman role models) who are self sacrificial. Not having been a mother myself, I miss out the learning opportunity to be self-sacrificial. I pray for the love of God in me so that I may have the capacity to be loving to others.
This whole week I am reminded that willingness to take on tasks that I may not like is important. To be “cheerful” about it – that I have to be totally dependent on the Lord!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
October 10 A Cheerful Helper
You have probably read about my journey dealing with breast cancer at www.goodfightdoris.blogspot.com. As of today I have completed my 6 rounds of chemotherapy and 25 sessions of radiotherapy. Praise God!
Today I am transitioning to another phase in life. I have made a new commitment to the Lord:
God, the author of life, will write my life script. Therefore I could (or should) only surrender to His perfect plan. I will continue my life journey and fight the Good Fight [2 Tim 4:7-8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."] as a CHEERFUL HELPER!
Today I am transitioning to another phase in life. I have made a new commitment to the Lord:
God, the author of life, will write my life script. Therefore I could (or should) only surrender to His perfect plan. I will continue my life journey and fight the Good Fight [2 Tim 4:7-8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."] as a CHEERFUL HELPER!
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