October 20 First Lesson Learned

I had my first lesson on being a cheerful helper.

Last week right after I finished the first blog entry (on Monday), I had my first trial. Although I was excited that the radiotherapy treatment was finally over and that I would be transitioning to a new phase, I was not eager to face all the work that was put off. In addition, Victor is beginning some new ministries and I feel uncertain of being his “helper” on top of my own load. I had to travel to Macau by myself the next day and therefore I felt like I was not looking forward to anything. I totally felt the stress and I cried. [Yes, just right after I am determined to be a cheerful helper!]

I calmed down once I was back in my office. I like having an office! The environment is associated with work and I gradually get myself in gear during the week.

The Holy Spirit’s prompting was also quick. On Wednesday morning, I woke up hearing the birds chirping and remembered how God cared about the sparrows. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness and my lack of trust, as if “I” alone will be doing all these things with my own strength. It is up to the Lord to decide how He wants to use me. A cheerful helper should be willing to sacrifice oneself, not the heroic type that draws attention and honor/glory but rather the silent type where deeds are done in the secret (Matthews 6: 1-18). Somehow I remembered my mother (and other mother-figures & woman role models) who are self sacrificial. Not having been a mother myself, I miss out the learning opportunity to be self-sacrificial. I pray for the love of God in me so that I may have the capacity to be loving to others.

This whole week I am reminded that willingness to take on tasks that I may not like is important. To be “cheerful” about it – that I have to be totally dependent on the Lord!