I finally finished grading the students’ papers. I must say it was tiring. Not sure if they would carefully read my feedback; nevertheless I have to do my part faithfully.
This blog is different from my “Good Fight” blog. It is as if being a cheerful helper is optional. It is not urgent, not life or death. I am not as desperate soliciting for prayer support. This blog has become more of a personal spiritual discipline, helping me anchor and reflect so that I am not lost in busy activities. It keeps me accountable to you somehow, whoever you maybe.
This week I made a commitment to the Lord - to trust that the Holy Spirit’s leading is sufficient and that I only need to respond accordingly. I am so keenly aware of the limitations of my “analytical” mind. I cannot figure out many things – relationships, group dynamics, future plans, research projects, health management, etc.. Well this commitment should in some way be expected for Christ's followers! I have a renewed understanding as I ponder on Mary (and the Magnificat) during this Christmas season. Her response to the Angel Gabriel was amazing: “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” (Luke 1: 38) She embraced the blessed call with the most humble heart, without trying to fathom beyond what she was told.
In the Magnificat: “He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.”(New King James) OR [He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. (NIV)] (Luke 1:51)
Dear Lord, scatter my proud imaginations. Purify my innermost thoughts and feelings! Help me not to try figure things out as if I can comprehend Your perfect will. Rather help me become your servant cheerfully, waiting for Your will to be fulfilled.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Dec 8 Thankful for Joy
I have not written for quite a few weeks.
During this time, I re-examined my life again in facing the possibility of cancer recurrence. I come to terms that I do not have a “clean bill of health.” Rather, I have to take good care of my body and get proper checks to monitor the side effects of treatment as well as a possible recurrence. I pray for His guidance to do what needs to be done and yet rest in His sovereignty, trusting that His love can carry me through in all circumstances. I will live life fully and not count how many years I may have. Rather I would count His blessings (thanks to a friend reminding me with the song Count Your Blessings)and I expect plenty in the days to come.
Last Wednesday was the last day of class. Before one realizes it, the semester is over. During class presentation, a couple of students mimic me and it was hilarious! I suddenly realized I had such a good time this semester despite physical ailments. It was a joyful and blessed semester. I was most thankful that I “discovered” my love for the students: I do care a lot about their growth and development. It is good to feel more of my heart in my teaching. I pray that the Lord will direct me in sharing the gospel here – my faith is central and it would be quite difficult to share my life without sharing Christ.
Thank God for giving me great joy in teaching – feeling pretty cheerful as His helper!
During this time, I re-examined my life again in facing the possibility of cancer recurrence. I come to terms that I do not have a “clean bill of health.” Rather, I have to take good care of my body and get proper checks to monitor the side effects of treatment as well as a possible recurrence. I pray for His guidance to do what needs to be done and yet rest in His sovereignty, trusting that His love can carry me through in all circumstances. I will live life fully and not count how many years I may have. Rather I would count His blessings (thanks to a friend reminding me with the song Count Your Blessings)and I expect plenty in the days to come.
Last Wednesday was the last day of class. Before one realizes it, the semester is over. During class presentation, a couple of students mimic me and it was hilarious! I suddenly realized I had such a good time this semester despite physical ailments. It was a joyful and blessed semester. I was most thankful that I “discovered” my love for the students: I do care a lot about their growth and development. It is good to feel more of my heart in my teaching. I pray that the Lord will direct me in sharing the gospel here – my faith is central and it would be quite difficult to share my life without sharing Christ.
Thank God for giving me great joy in teaching – feeling pretty cheerful as His helper!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Nov 10 Tribute to the Silent Helpers
When studying Matthews 6, I am reminded that good deeds should be done in secret for the Lord rather than before men for the honor and applaud. Matthew 6:1 "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.” The passage continues to apply it to 1) giving to the poor, 2) praying, and 3) fasting. There are some unique contrasts between hypocrites and followers of Christ. Hypocrites do it for show to be adored and admired. Believers do it in secret and without the self-consciousness of “doing good.” Repeatedly the passage states that “our Father in secret” and “our Father who sees in secret” rewards these acts done in secret.
There are many quiet helpers around us we may not have usually noticed and showed appreciation. But sometimes we can them very near. Last week we heard the sad news about the volunteer who died in a car accident while delivering winter clothes to children in 玉樹. We become aware of his good deeds only in his death. There are many silent helpers around us.
Today I praise God for some of these people I know – a friend who went on a short term medical mission in Haiti, a person who is active in a fellowship for individuals with developmental disabilities… I hope I will notice more quiet helpers and learn from them.
Lord, I pray that I won’t be too self conscious about being a helper. Hopefully it becomes natural for me to help joyfully. There are many inspiring role models around us, they help others because they Love God with all their heart, mind and soul and love their neighbor as themselves.
There are many quiet helpers around us we may not have usually noticed and showed appreciation. But sometimes we can them very near. Last week we heard the sad news about the volunteer who died in a car accident while delivering winter clothes to children in 玉樹. We become aware of his good deeds only in his death. There are many silent helpers around us.
Today I praise God for some of these people I know – a friend who went on a short term medical mission in Haiti, a person who is active in a fellowship for individuals with developmental disabilities… I hope I will notice more quiet helpers and learn from them.
Lord, I pray that I won’t be too self conscious about being a helper. Hopefully it becomes natural for me to help joyfully. There are many inspiring role models around us, they help others because they Love God with all their heart, mind and soul and love their neighbor as themselves.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
November 5th Whose Helper Am I?
One of the lessons I learned when fighting breast cancer is that I should not be overly concerned with what I do. [I wrote this in my the blog http://www.goodfightdoris.blogspot.com: There is a part of me that wants to do significant and meaningful tasks in life that are worthwhile. I am learning not to judge or assign value on tasks and leave that judgment to my Lord. My duty is to complete His assignments faithfully regardless of its apparent worth in my eyes (which is often based on the secular value of success). I pray that I can fully trust the Lord’s leading and learn His path and not rely on my “shrewd” strategies.]
Today I read what I wrote and ask myself – how am I doing so far?
Well, one unexpected piece is that I am dealing with “whose helper am I”. Since I have this cheerful helper blog, I made clear to my husband I am not solely his helper – certainly don’t want to give him a blank cheque to order me around. : ) A few women friends are struggling as “husband’s helper” – when your husband is having an affair or temper problems or being overly adventurous … not too exciting! Woman as husband’s helper is a serious subject and I am not going to go into that now. Perhaps the Lord will grant me more insight in the future.
Whose helper am I? I notice that I assign value not only on tasks but also on people – is it “worthwhile” to help this person? There is usually a quick pros and cons calculation going on in my head, weighing the consequential outcome. Sometimes this evaluation is based on “fear,” cautioning myself not to end up on a pirate ship or a spider’s trap. I usually consider this evaluation justified and even necessary in work setting for survival. I do check people out! Well some prudence is still good but the wisdom and discernment should be from the Lord. Sometimes this evaluation is for my own good – whether helping this person would be advantageous for me in the long run – the utilitarian view. When it is a person in need, my compassion usually rules but still I evaluate if I can be of any "real" help. But sometimes God sends us there just to be with the person. Other times He wants us to make some sincere effort despite the circumstances. I pray that I would be able to trust in the sovereignty of God and leave the judgment of people to Him as well. He decides who He wants me to help.
Today I read what I wrote and ask myself – how am I doing so far?
Well, one unexpected piece is that I am dealing with “whose helper am I”. Since I have this cheerful helper blog, I made clear to my husband I am not solely his helper – certainly don’t want to give him a blank cheque to order me around. : ) A few women friends are struggling as “husband’s helper” – when your husband is having an affair or temper problems or being overly adventurous … not too exciting! Woman as husband’s helper is a serious subject and I am not going to go into that now. Perhaps the Lord will grant me more insight in the future.
Whose helper am I? I notice that I assign value not only on tasks but also on people – is it “worthwhile” to help this person? There is usually a quick pros and cons calculation going on in my head, weighing the consequential outcome. Sometimes this evaluation is based on “fear,” cautioning myself not to end up on a pirate ship or a spider’s trap. I usually consider this evaluation justified and even necessary in work setting for survival. I do check people out! Well some prudence is still good but the wisdom and discernment should be from the Lord. Sometimes this evaluation is for my own good – whether helping this person would be advantageous for me in the long run – the utilitarian view. When it is a person in need, my compassion usually rules but still I evaluate if I can be of any "real" help. But sometimes God sends us there just to be with the person. Other times He wants us to make some sincere effort despite the circumstances. I pray that I would be able to trust in the sovereignty of God and leave the judgment of people to Him as well. He decides who He wants me to help.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 25 Psalm 19
Yesterday during worship I was deeply moved by a song derived from Psalm 19. Psalm 19 begins with the declaration of God’s glory through His creation (v.1-6). Yet His revelation to men is not only through nature but also specific, provided through His law, statues and His word. Even though we do our best to abide by them, we cannot be free from errors and transgressions. This week I asked the Lord to show me how I can keep my thoughts pure and holy before Him. This is a challenge particularly when I am tired or stressed; now that my tolerance of both is much lower. Negative thoughts come up quickly and my mind often sways to no man’s land. God answered my question through verses 12-14:
“12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (v.12-14).
Indeed Lord I cannot discern my own errors (despite my effort to self examine and self-analysis). Forgive all the hidden faults that I am not even aware of or know how to deal with. I can only constantly seek after Him in this journey. “Willful sins” is also translated as “presumptuous sins” (NASB). As we humble ourselves before the Lord, we can be kept from much transgression. We rely on the Lord to bring us back - we need Him in order that “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart” may be acceptable to you." [“Meditation” is also translated as “soliloquy.” I really like this translation because I do constantly murmur to myself and engage in self-talk]. So my resolution is to totally submit my thoughts to Him and trust in the Holy Spirit's guidance. He will correct me and forgive me when I humble myself before Him.
You can find this song on Youtube –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0FHMME2dU
May the Words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart
Be pleasing to you my God.
You are my Rock and my Redeemer,
You are the reason that I sing,
I desire to be a blessing in your eyes,
Every hour and Every moment,
Lord I want to be your servant.
I desire to be a blessing in Your eyes.
Victor and I have a rather peaceful week. I am learning to boil Chinese herbal medicine each morning – it takes about 2 hours to do so. This keeps me disciplined to get up at 6 a.m. in the morning. I exercise and do devotion while the medicine is brewing in the kitchen. Then I am off to work.
It looks like we have to move soon because our landlord is selling the flat. He is kind enough to hold off putting it on the market until after my cancer treatment. I was quite anxious on Saturday because rent has been going up and there are few vacant flats available. The Lord reminded me how He had provided the best (apartment) for us during this time. We are therefore praying again for the Lord’s providence and His perfect timing – I am hoping that it would be at the end of our semester and after Victor’s mission trip in Dec. [Certainly it would be best if the buyer intends to keep this as a rental property!]
“12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (v.12-14).
Indeed Lord I cannot discern my own errors (despite my effort to self examine and self-analysis). Forgive all the hidden faults that I am not even aware of or know how to deal with. I can only constantly seek after Him in this journey. “Willful sins” is also translated as “presumptuous sins” (NASB). As we humble ourselves before the Lord, we can be kept from much transgression. We rely on the Lord to bring us back - we need Him in order that “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart” may be acceptable to you." [“Meditation” is also translated as “soliloquy.” I really like this translation because I do constantly murmur to myself and engage in self-talk]. So my resolution is to totally submit my thoughts to Him and trust in the Holy Spirit's guidance. He will correct me and forgive me when I humble myself before Him.
You can find this song on Youtube –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0FHMME2dU
May the Words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart
Be pleasing to you my God.
You are my Rock and my Redeemer,
You are the reason that I sing,
I desire to be a blessing in your eyes,
Every hour and Every moment,
Lord I want to be your servant.
I desire to be a blessing in Your eyes.
Victor and I have a rather peaceful week. I am learning to boil Chinese herbal medicine each morning – it takes about 2 hours to do so. This keeps me disciplined to get up at 6 a.m. in the morning. I exercise and do devotion while the medicine is brewing in the kitchen. Then I am off to work.
It looks like we have to move soon because our landlord is selling the flat. He is kind enough to hold off putting it on the market until after my cancer treatment. I was quite anxious on Saturday because rent has been going up and there are few vacant flats available. The Lord reminded me how He had provided the best (apartment) for us during this time. We are therefore praying again for the Lord’s providence and His perfect timing – I am hoping that it would be at the end of our semester and after Victor’s mission trip in Dec. [Certainly it would be best if the buyer intends to keep this as a rental property!]
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
October 20 First Lesson Learned
I had my first lesson on being a cheerful helper.
Last week right after I finished the first blog entry (on Monday), I had my first trial. Although I was excited that the radiotherapy treatment was finally over and that I would be transitioning to a new phase, I was not eager to face all the work that was put off. In addition, Victor is beginning some new ministries and I feel uncertain of being his “helper” on top of my own load. I had to travel to Macau by myself the next day and therefore I felt like I was not looking forward to anything. I totally felt the stress and I cried. [Yes, just right after I am determined to be a cheerful helper!]
I calmed down once I was back in my office. I like having an office! The environment is associated with work and I gradually get myself in gear during the week.
The Holy Spirit’s prompting was also quick. On Wednesday morning, I woke up hearing the birds chirping and remembered how God cared about the sparrows. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness and my lack of trust, as if “I” alone will be doing all these things with my own strength. It is up to the Lord to decide how He wants to use me. A cheerful helper should be willing to sacrifice oneself, not the heroic type that draws attention and honor/glory but rather the silent type where deeds are done in the secret (Matthews 6: 1-18). Somehow I remembered my mother (and other mother-figures & woman role models) who are self sacrificial. Not having been a mother myself, I miss out the learning opportunity to be self-sacrificial. I pray for the love of God in me so that I may have the capacity to be loving to others.
This whole week I am reminded that willingness to take on tasks that I may not like is important. To be “cheerful” about it – that I have to be totally dependent on the Lord!
Last week right after I finished the first blog entry (on Monday), I had my first trial. Although I was excited that the radiotherapy treatment was finally over and that I would be transitioning to a new phase, I was not eager to face all the work that was put off. In addition, Victor is beginning some new ministries and I feel uncertain of being his “helper” on top of my own load. I had to travel to Macau by myself the next day and therefore I felt like I was not looking forward to anything. I totally felt the stress and I cried. [Yes, just right after I am determined to be a cheerful helper!]
I calmed down once I was back in my office. I like having an office! The environment is associated with work and I gradually get myself in gear during the week.
The Holy Spirit’s prompting was also quick. On Wednesday morning, I woke up hearing the birds chirping and remembered how God cared about the sparrows. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness and my lack of trust, as if “I” alone will be doing all these things with my own strength. It is up to the Lord to decide how He wants to use me. A cheerful helper should be willing to sacrifice oneself, not the heroic type that draws attention and honor/glory but rather the silent type where deeds are done in the secret (Matthews 6: 1-18). Somehow I remembered my mother (and other mother-figures & woman role models) who are self sacrificial. Not having been a mother myself, I miss out the learning opportunity to be self-sacrificial. I pray for the love of God in me so that I may have the capacity to be loving to others.
This whole week I am reminded that willingness to take on tasks that I may not like is important. To be “cheerful” about it – that I have to be totally dependent on the Lord!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
October 10 A Cheerful Helper
You have probably read about my journey dealing with breast cancer at www.goodfightdoris.blogspot.com. As of today I have completed my 6 rounds of chemotherapy and 25 sessions of radiotherapy. Praise God!
Today I am transitioning to another phase in life. I have made a new commitment to the Lord:
God, the author of life, will write my life script. Therefore I could (or should) only surrender to His perfect plan. I will continue my life journey and fight the Good Fight [2 Tim 4:7-8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."] as a CHEERFUL HELPER!
Today I am transitioning to another phase in life. I have made a new commitment to the Lord:
God, the author of life, will write my life script. Therefore I could (or should) only surrender to His perfect plan. I will continue my life journey and fight the Good Fight [2 Tim 4:7-8 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."] as a CHEERFUL HELPER!
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